INFIDELITY is here to stay

The other day I Had one of my clients Risha, discussing with me how her relationship with her partner is going nowhere. There is constant bickering and it feels that nothing is happening right. On top of it she had discovered that harsh was cheating on her.

“ I found pictures and explicit exchange of messages loaded with desire. I feel so broken, Kavita.” she told me. It took me atleast ten sessions to come to terms with her mindset and restore faith in her relationship. It also took me to meet Harsh in our last two sessions for the simple reason that some times it takes some one else to push a trigger inside you.

As much as I have seen friends, family, clients come to me to talk about their broken hearts, mostly the issue is an affair that has leaked, or some fatal attraction that is tempting oneself to break out of the mundane routines.

TOGETHERNESS to me has become TO GET THERE NEST. It means it takes two to build a nest and you would need to keep away your digital gadgets and be two of you to build it. You need to look into each others eyes when you talk. Love today means an escape from the disappointments.

Earlier Love was hard to get, today love is difficult to sustain. It is easier to fall in love, but difficult to maintain it as creative as it was once upon a time. It is difficult to partner each other’s deep secrets, deep mistakes, deep fears without being judgemental and putting illegitimate pressures of your past trauma on your partner.

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It is not so much a sexual desire that leads people to cheat for I have seen the happiest people straying. People who would give their one arm and leg to save their marriage will go out and be blasphemous in temptation, putting everything at stake. Why is that?

Human beings have two basic needs. One is that of connection, emotional bonding. togetherness, intimacy, union, sexual intensity and paradoxically other is of independence, adventure, fun, newness. Hence it explains why even people in open relationships have secret affairs. We believe that unless we are hiding it we are not doing what we really want to do.

Else how would you explain a fact and an era where taking a divorce is not as much as a shame or taboo as earlier people still stray and are secretive. Clients often ask me what is the percentage of people cheating. One I don’t know what cheating is actually. For me cheating begins in mind. For me body plays a very insignificant role. If on a need pyramid my partner cheats on a physical level I might be able to forgive him easier than when he strays emotionally leaving me to become his low priority. For me cheating is when some one abuses another physically. When a partner contempts the another, When one insults the another in public or even in private. For me all this is betrayal. Only sexual betrayal is much more talked about and judged easily.

Men can get away being promiscuous because since older times for men it is boasting to show off and talk about their affairs. On the contrary for women it is a a challenge to hide and keep them secret. However 90 % of people are involved in some format of infidelity. Yet everyone will advise against it. no wonder we are living contradictions.

The definition of monogamy has changed over a period of time. earlier it was being with one partner for life.Nowadays it is being monogamous at a time. You would often hear people saying that I believe in staying with one person at a time. Earlier we had to marry to have sex but now we marry and stop having sex with others. The future of marriages is bleak. The era is dynamic in nature and we are so conscious about self and uniqueness of our nature. We expect our partners to become complete and perfect half of ours. Then we got forward and change.

Also we take affairs much seriously than any other thing in a relationship and compare it with our own self worth. I remember Risha asking me, “How will I ever trust him again.” Why not? People also ask me if I am pro affairs. No I am not. As much as I am not pro rapes. As much as I am not pro sicknesses like cancers and Aids. Yet it happens. Adultery has been around for millions of years for various reasons. Yet I believe there is nothing from which we cannot be healed.

You can either let an affair crush everything that you have built or ask questions that make you grow over it. As to why it happened. What became so monotonous? what can we together recreate and rebuild

So for me it is creating and recreating your life together with the same partner. Understand that your first marriage or chapter one or episode one or series one or season one is over. Whatever way you might like to call it. Are you ready to create a dream life or a second season once again with the same partner? If yes then there is no stopping. Let every affair, every trauma be part of lessons to be taught by destiny.

*Kavita is the Founder of MIND TRIBE workshops and Wisdom Valley. Also a successful full time mother and an author of a book FEW MOMENTS OF LETTING GO 

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DEATH BY SUGAR

What is that one ingredient by removal of which you can loose as much as ten kg s within a month. SUGAR . Big bold italic. Sugar. Any diet is only and only going to work if there is no sugar. When our body eats more sugar which can be in any form and not necessarily in its original avatar, it is bound to produce more insulin. So even if it is a Diet Coke we are doing ourselves as much harm as with a regular coke. Sugar free drinks are just with added sweeteners those are even worse. Diet Soda is bad, Diet Pepsi or a Diet Coke is extremely dangerous.

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Any packaged or processed food is mixed with sugar in various forms. Sugar being referred to by 60 different names is lobbied by food industry in a big way. Sugar is some thing that makes us more hungry. Since it tells the body that it is starving without nutrients and body keeps signalling to mind for more food. Hence the obesity level rise. The cave man used to have 33 spoons of sugar in an year and today our children might be having almost the same amount in a day. with those ice creams, packages cornflakes, flavoured Kelloggs which is supposedly not so great a dietary supplement. Those chocolates, KinderJoys and processed jams, sauces and spreads. We are killing our own generation with TYPE 2 diabetes on a steep rise.

Cut sugar out of your diet and see the magic. If you have a craving for a cold drink, roll a sip in your mouth and let it be warm there. It will help you get over the urge. If you are a non vegetarian, meats have no sugar. No processed or packaged meats though. Preservatives are equally bad. if you are a vegan then go for beans, lettuce and as much of vegetables as possible. Again not preserved bones please. if you can’t go cold turkey on sugar then cut it by eliminating it from atlas one meal in a day.

Dont surprise yourself if you get detox symptoms. Research says Sugar is as addictive as Cocaine. Imagine 33 spoons of cocaine for your children everyday. Phew. lets get together to do some organic farming community support.

 

 

Kavita – Writer is founder MindTribe and the author of a bestselling book Few Moments of Letting Go

PRACTICE, PREPARE, PRETEND

Practice , Pretend , Prepare. These are the thumb rules universe follows. Unfortunately universe does not communicate in English or anyother language. It has its own language. There are signs and symbols that it shows you when you start having that impulse of awakening.

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There are ways by which universe makes it clear that now it has started developing faith in your mind impulses and now you are ready to carve your dream life. Few of which are you would suddenly loose interest in regular jokes that would be aimed on some thing or some one in specific. Your mind has outgrown any kind of judgement , even in humour. Don’t worry. This is not as bad as it looks. In fact there would be no connect between you and jokes that are hinting towards sexual metaphors. This is because your headspace is in different dimension than many people. Easy

Another thing that can happen is your interest from TV would lessen. gradually it might go to zero. This is because you would get bored of knowing things that are making no difference to your intellectual capacity. Anyway no worries. understand that you are awakening for a brighter life.

Practice, prepare, Pretend. It is time to discover who you are, what you want in life and how would you get it. Most important when you get it how would you sustain it. Thumb rules. once you know what you want practice it for example you want love in your life then practice giving love to people, practice a bit of more compassion in everyday life. Try my compassion meditation or any other that you like. Then prepare for the love to enter your life. Open up your heart. Be positive. Pretend is when you are fully confident of the change in your life so for example in this case you start behaving as you have fallen in love with some one imaginary. You sleep with him, prepare bed for him, make lunch for him, plan your travel with him.

Miracles! you will witness all this happening. law of attraction is the magical law of universe and it speaks to you in magical language. If you believe there is no magic then it is not, if you do believe in magic then there is. You get to choose. Bingo!

*Kavita is the author of Few moments of letting Go and motivational speaker and psychologist. Founder of MINDTRIBE

MY PRIME TIME

To me my personal prime time is of utmost importance. I believe every individual has a concept of personal prime time. Some of us realise it and some of us don’t. The way every ad or every announcement in the corporate set up has a prime time , there is one for me too.  That is the time where I chill. I know so many people who waste their prime time in watching TV, stressing up and worrying about unnecessary things that are not even in their control, thinking about others and feeling jealous and wasted.happy-in-nature

Well there are better ways you can utilise this time. Go back to your younger years. Given free time what you used to do when younger say about ten year old. Definitely not brood unless some one took away all your chocolates. That too didn’t last long. Go back to those wonder years and try to remember what you used to do then. Perhaps that is ideally what you would love to do now. Like I loved writing. Thats what I still love.

Maybe you can have a look at your Friday evenings, as to what you would love to do with them. First of all please and please turn that TV off. It clutters the head. Media is full of negative publicity and negative news is not the news you should be hearing all the time. Most of the serial are regressive rather creating any [positive ripple or tribe around people. The feeling generated is usually of competition and stress.

Declutter your room, your house first to declutter your mind. there should be nothing in your house that you advent used for last one year. Chances are high you would never use it.

Avoid judging people’s lives through social media. You don’t know whats going on behind those pretty pictures. No-one is happy, travelling taking selfies all the time. everyone goes through the motion and everyone has their days. Social media today is the cause of biggest stress as researched. People thing they are distressing and chilling but all the while the subconscious is taking on to a different challenge all together. Cut the game and come out of the trap.

Each day write three good things that happened to you or what you are thankful about. Those could be as simple as having no loss of electricity, having a pair of socks in the morning, having some one ironing your outfit, having a morning bed tea. We often tend to forget simpler things in life but those are very important. Imagine you wake up to a dark, hot, empty, home in the morning. Argh…

Your inner child is very important. Don’t let that one go ever. I still act like a baby with my ten year old. I still make her act like a one year to me some times. I don’t want her to let that baby girl go ever. I want our sense of humour to stay intact. Laugh at yourself and at this crazy world we live in. Like some one rightly said, No-one got out alive from here. We are not robots designed to be perfect, we can goof up and those are fun moments. Laugh at your goofs. Allow space to others as well. Don’t take life too seriously. Shit happens and its up to you to make it sound gory or just go on laughing at the flip side.

Spend time with children. This is one thing that would keep you young. If children like you take it as a compliment. If they don’t, you need to work upon yourself and brood less. Children can’t fake it. They like to be happy and surrounded by happy people. If at all there is any judging parameter that I have kept for myself this is it.

Find a hobby for your prime time. Do what you always like to do. This is YOUR TIME. use it with utmost care. this is more important than the hours you work, take care of household, babies and do hundred chores. This is your time. CHILL

284759_10150316914552990_5052994_nKavita is the founder of a personal growth company. For more details and coaching programs contact 9971880693

SACRED SEX CHEMISTRY

tantra-sex-e1490287569230.jpgIsn’t Sex bad and naughty. Isn’t it more fun when it is secretly done with the wrong person. Is it right to talk about sex. Is it?

There is no end to such questions. Sex is some thing that has too many definitions. It is clearly an individual perception as to how we look at it. To me sex is sacred. it leaves me disappointed when I feel that a friendship that I started with someone is at the end only hinting at a physical pleasure. Come on! what is sex. its a basic human need. It gives us pleasure quite similar to gluttony. There are people who escape reality by eating chocolates and ice creams thinking they would make their mood upbeat. Sexual addicts are not perverts. They are sad. Its like bad eating habits leads to more and eating habits. Its like you do cocaine and then find out newer ways to mix it so it keeps you interested.

Orgasm is a moment that makes the mind thoughtless. In that moment we tend to forget everything and ironically thats is the state every human mind is craving for. Meditation and Orgasm leads to same state of mind both creating alpha brainwaves. A man or a woman feels peaceful moment in that release and identifies it to be an escape route.

Its sad. Sex when used for an escape is only like an ice-cream used to cure depression. Both will have a temporary placebo effect on the mind.

However unlike ice-cream there are ways to use sex in a more sacred fashion. much deeper understanding comes from our own vedas and tantra that originated on our holy Indian Soil. Kamasutra that is our Sex Bible screams how open and pious sex was in our past. It is no fun secretly watching a porn and wondering where it leads. Sorry to burst the bubble but it leads nowhere.

Whatever pleasure we need out of this wonderful connection that we can form with another soul using our body as the sensory organ is already coded in our brains. To begin with we need to look inside. Honestly if you ask me what you achieve out of sex depends more on you than on your partner.

First of all you don’t have to be ashamed in admitting you like it. Talk about it, read about it and read the scriptures. Ancient techniques followed by our Tantra experts. Practice a little Orgasmic Yoga. Feel free to pass on the knowledge to your children. Ambiguity leads them to get themselves exploited. No wonder teenage pregnancies and abortions are on rise. Stress is increasing in children and they again find sex as the escape route. Don’t let the brain wiring redesign itself and human species loose on such a beautiful secret. Don’t let our children become deprived of making passionate, strong and intense human connections. Sure there is a thrill breaking the rules but not to the point where there is no turning back.

Remember sex is the universe’s method to allow life-force its beautiful ability to create. From my personal experience sexual, creative and spiritual energies are really part of one whole. If you are creatively expressed you would be sexually expressed too. Now you know why creative people tend to be more attractive. If you in the flow with the universe then you must believe that God has a hand in sexuality as much in spirituality.

Sex is a core function that keeps human health evolving. yet to fully express sex in the divine way we need to engage with it in a divine forum. Remember we are spiritual beings created in the divine blueprint. Treat your partner as divine. Forget about the daily mundane grudges while indulging in sex just the way you forget them while eating out at your favourite restaurant or having a drink while listening to favourite music or reading a book or watching a movie. Treat it as an activity, a creative platform that will infuse energies that will transform your entire life if rightly handled.

To help you do this create an environment. You can light red candles, red petals. Red is the fengshui colour that stimulates physical senses. Prepare your body. Take a bath, smell  nice. Sit together with your partner and just lean in. Inhale and Exhale focussing on your breath for six times. Create extra sensory stimulation by massaging each other with sandalwood, rose or lavender oils. Look deep into each other’s eyes. Do not bother about your bodies. When souls make love they don’t care about how the tool used looks like. Tool here is your body, a form that helps your souls connect deeper through the mirror ways of your eyes. You will see pictorial visuals in each other’s eyes coded there since eternity. Let your imagination read those codes.

Personally I have visualised a calming ship sailing in a deep blue sea in my partner’s eyes and much more. Follow your movements and do whatever is giving you pleasure. let the pleasure boil in slowly. There is no hurrying up. The eternal protocol is GO SLOW.

Visualise you and your partner inside a small little cottage of red roses sitting in between a three dimensional star radiating the perfect glow. Feel each other and take time. Concentrate on the journey and not the end result. When you are climaxing imagine the whole body participating and feel the vibrations in your stomach. Draw that energy up towards your heart and see how you feel that bliss entire day.

Laugh, share and chat in the after glow. We belong to a land where we worship Sex God in the form of Kamdeva and Rati’s sacred union. Why not replicate it.

* LIGHTWORKER TRIBE HAS VARIOUS WORKSHOPS ON RELATIONSHIPS AND ITS ASPECTS BOTH ONE TO ONE AND IN GROUPS. 9971880693

 

 

TEENAGE AND LIFE COACHING

 

Education is jazzed up today and to my mind lot of things are overrated and some of them are underrated. There is no clear mix of what should go in the minds of poor little dynamites and when. While today’s kids seem to be in control they are more and more vulnerable inside. Most of the schools are trying to give the best but still there is no much priority on human skills. Competition and academic results are blown out of proportion.

Children are exposed to multi tasking much before there minds are fully developed. My child’s school counsellors, teachers work their hearts out and are responsive but eventually they have to meet academic standards, finish syllabi in time, some times manage more than 40 kids in one class, check notebooks and also manage their personal lives and stress factors.

These days I meet children who have yet to experience what healthy friendships and relationships are. They are dealing with undiscussed family dramas or crisis

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 I just met a girl who told me that she feels lost since her dad is travelling most of the time and mother depends on a drink to put herself to sleep every night. She is scared if she speaks out her fears to them they might just break further. What was interesting was the fact that the girl was worried about their breaking up. Inside she was worn out with a mix of emotions, not sure who to talk to. She said she has been in intimate relationship with her classmates since it feels as if some one cares. yet eventually she finds them not up to the mark.

This didn’t happen the first day of meeting her. Teens take time to open up. They need to be sure you are not judging them or it is not a trap set by parents to stalk them. They need to know that you are not acting smart. You are a friend and some one who has slightly more experience than them in life. They need to know that you have made mistakes and goofed up in life and you have abused yourself. Not because they want drama but they are interested in real life examples. If you fell in a ditch and you made it out maybe you can really help them.

The whole idea is to infuse life into them using the channel of trust and rewire their trigger points and put their pieces together. A coach gives them a perspective and an ability to choose.

More and more parents are hiring a life coach for their children, enrolling them into such programmes. Most of the celebrities have personal mentors for their children so that they can have some one distinguishing dreams from reality. Some one who can make their game up and don’t let them quit. Some one who can root them guide them and help a healthy communication between the fast moving generation. “A coach will catch up with the child and up your game”, says a renowned media journalist who came to me initially since she was guilty of travelling most of the time. Today she is one of my friends and a happy client.

LIGHT ACADEMY offers empowering programs for children between 9 – 18 years @9971880693

BEING A TEENAGER IS TOUGH

“Teens today have an easy life” is a very common phrase.

I would like to differ. I empathise with them and I strongly believe that teens today have a tougher life. Sitting on my bed with a book in my hand and a mom to guard full time I didn’t have much choice but today my daughter, sitting on the bed in the other room with her I pad and a phone and a smart watch has much more choices and is exposed to temptation all the time. ‘

Back then we hardly had malls and overwhelming online shopping sale, with advertising luring us from every corner, but today she is bombarded with it. She does not know how to maintain the equilibrium. Yet am so proud that she can hold her head high and think rationally. She comes to me and talks about things she is getting stuck upon. She values m,y money and asks my opinion before she pushes me into spending it on her.

Yes some times she goes overboard, she gets stubborn, she gets too tempted to use rationale. Oh but poor she. How much she has to deal with. The schools are jazzier, the parents are different. The parents are not the ones they were earlier. My friend smokes pot and she has a seventeen year old son, Kabeer. She thought no-one knows till one day Kabeer retorted in anger and got back to her on this weak point. This left her speechless in the power struggle. Yes of course we have power struggles with our kids as much as we do with our spouses.

The same day she came to me cribbing and crying about how the teens need more discipline, more structure, more rules, more determination and more motivation. I told her they need to be more resilient, because teens today have to endure much more than earlier times.  They need to handle so much of pressure and be able to bounce back quickly and very often. They need to bend, so they do not break.

Most of us forget about our own teen years and how we would have coped with the same. Of course times were different, there was less manipulation and less white lies. There were more grandparents and simple teachers with simplified schools. We are programmed to forget the tough things in order to survive, but expecting our kids to perform where we have failed ourselves is a double standard.

The reason I have not forgotten my teenage experiences was that I have been working with so many teens since then. Even if I would have forgotten naturally, they have reminded me that this period brings with it many challenges. I have realised that today parents are too guilty. Too thinly spread. They have to juggle so much themselves and are confused as a generation. Besides this I am one of those lucky ones who had grandparents, and the active ones.

I went back to my friend and told her to hire a coach for Kabeer and boy it did work. It is an era of outsourcing. We are outsourcing everything for our children, education, sports, babysitters, online programmes, birthday events. Why then not a mentor, a connect that roots them. Why not outsource a program that builds the similar trust and warmth like a grandparent does. JUNIOR LIGHT ACADEMY is one programme that deals with students and create super performers. timthumb.php

Kabeer realised that he needs to connect with his parents at a human level. Often children treat their parents as machines, super machines, godly machines with no emotions and scope for goof ups. They need to understand that we all are a part of the same ecosystem and a parent can goof up as much as a child can. Yet value the experience to rectify goofs and learn out of their experiences. There is no harm in outsourcing a mentor that can work on your energy connects and deal with insane trigger points. After all you want the best for your child in every field.

LIGHT ACADEMY offers workshops and programmes to create super performers for 9-18 years 

EKTA SAHOO

She has been one of the most amazing and accurate tarot card reader and healer I have met. Meeting and listening to her heals one on a different level. Her energy works are so sorted that once you are in with Ekta for a session, the whole area buzzes with a electrifying energy that you can feel deep down in your cells.

She sure has the ability to change your life by looking at every aspect of your life. I recommend having her healing sessions and registering for the same. A touch of energy from the above is what Ekta is all about. be it abundance or relationships or a general hint of life, She seems to know it at a deeper level somewhere.

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WISDOM RATING *****

DENNIS WAITLEY- Psychology of Winning

Dennis Waitley’s masterclass was one of the best classes I attended. He so neatly and simply out in words things which are so complicatedly explained by many. He is the author of the book Psychology Of Winning. I haven’t read the book but I intend to do so. His class made me realise that thoughts and beliefs are so much powerful

It is as if he creates a magic mirror in which you reflect yourself and boy, the magic mirror is grand. he is the man that has the ability to change your life and bring in lots of positivity.

He speaks with all warmth and humility. never for a second in his class you feel you re sitting in front of a master, rather he is like one of your grandparents explaining you stuff with sincerity and warmth that touches your heart instantly. He so simply puts everything for you in simple steps.And yes you want to follow what he says. It looks  easy.

I look forward to more from him

images WISDOM RATING ******

EVERY CHILD SHOULD HAVE A LIFE COACH

When Chavi Thakur’s six year old daughter, Kayla, used to sob every night to bed for weeks together, it was clear some thing had to change. Ever since she had gone to school she could not bear with the playground politics that the little ones have amongst themselves. The friendship power struggle of unintentionally being mean to each other some times.

On top of it Chavi’s husband had a job that required them to change cities often. When you see your children failing you feel traumatised to the extent that it becomes like a never ending jigsaw puzzle. You do everything under your control and experiment with crazy things to even out all odds. With all this enters amazing amount of self doubt and that is what you unknowingly through unsaid communication pass down to your kids.

Sounds crazy but it is true. Research says that the unsaid communication is more effective always than what we convey in words. if as a parent we are in self doubt or not sure about what we are doing is the best thing it is conveyed and trust me on this it sure is.

Kayla was going down hill and even when she had the best learning support in and out of school, with the educated parents and the top IB board new age school, some thing was not right for the little soul.

It was time now to bring in the next level. Chavi called me after knowing me through a common friend and enrolled Kayla for my JUNIOR LIGHT ACADEMY’s CHIlD EMPOWERMENT PERSONAL COACHING PROGRAM. This was it.

It took me a little while to make friends with Kayla and figure out what her little heart secretly guards. It is weird that at age of six when we hardly have any human experience we start forming opinions and our mind software starts writing life lessons. In our program we very delicately erase those lessons since factually they are only trigger events. We rewrite the brain software int he most healthy way possible.

The idea of having a personal coach for a child is not having a shrink for them. It is like having a tutor for life. What they don’t emphasise in regular school and the skills that are highly important to be successful in life. We create children who have high self esteem and are empowered and make choices and don’t blame others for the same.

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Like I said unsaid communication is easiest to be grasped, children are like sponges. They learn to put the blame on others early in life. All we need to rewire is going out and asking themselves ” Well what can I change” , ” What will cribbing fetch me”. Thats where I want to push things through. I want to work with the child who is dealing with a lot at home, having a sibling struggle, or is just scared to pout his hand up for the fear of other children laughing at him. I want every child to out their hand up.

Children often respond more openly to people who are not close to them and are not related. Also we have a team oftrained psychologists and doctors on board that now and then check them in case there are any serious concerns in required cases. In today’s times Life coaching is an upcoming saviour for the new generation. when everything is available so easy some one has to be up there to mentor them.

* * Junior LIGHT ACADEMY’s Life Coaching is available for children between 9 – 18 years both online and in person. Please connect with 9971880693 for more details or visit our FB page wisdomvalley@wisdomvalley.co.in